Poem I wrote a few weeks ago. Thinking about entering it into a competition. Any constructive criticism would be very much appreciated.
--
Driving to Davy
Beatrice Duong
The world so drab and grey,
With unseen floods in midnight hours.
A deep blue like misted moonlight
Shines through the glass on this fateful night.
Cold leaves and broken waters
Swirl through before my eyes.
An eternal twilight surrounds my mind
As sulfuric stenches reach up from below.
It grapples with my legs and begins to rise,
But I cannot escape, for I am held
In buckles of irony, and trapped too,
By the trickling chaos surrounding me.
Mud and dirt invade my mind,
Bogged down in fumes of toxic delight.
Oh, with just one wrong turn I met
A slippery road and a slow death.
I struggle against the clouds below
Try to break the tempered, frosty glass.
But it is futile - the pressure around is far more
Than I could possibly create from my leather shore.
The darkest shadows soak me through
As the cold begins to numb my spine.
The light flickers through the grey
Dappled waters rising, as I sink.
I gasp for air but none is there--
Fluctuating currents of light and sound
Are all muted, as I am dragged under.
My body strains one last time,
But the seatbelt again does its duty
Restrains its victim beneath the sea.
Airbags mean nothing as water seeps through;
My lungs ache with the futility of me.
Screaming in silence, I meet my liquid grave.
